What should you do?

Posted on 10 May 2010


when you broke up from someone you have been slowly integrating your life with, there’s a sudden feeling of angst, vast emptiness, lost sense of direction and struggle to find meaning to life. In addition, you felt so worthy and entitled that you feel bad, act and treat yourself lousily… just like a ill mannered kid – somehow you feel entitled to do that; The world wronged you; work sucks; you’ll be avoiding some certain topics in discussions.

All the activities that you’ve been doing had been based on that same feeling of hope that you’ll be able to do it with her someday. That slow build up of hope has suddenly became a void, as you are no more together; that same activites’ essense which been infused with the thoughts of her is now reminding you of her.

Irrational thoughts kick in: You will try to avoid meeting her. You will intentionally take different route, or to arrive to office earlier or later than her usual time, park your car in far side of the parking lot, skipping lunch to reduce that chance of bumping into her in the lobby, ignoring or deleting her email without reading, these are all affecting your life. You tell yourself that you’ll want her to be okay, and you are not communicating with her, because that itself might complicate her from detaching from you, you do not want to face her knowing that you might want to tell her your thoughts – and that will mess up whole break-up thingy to a new level, and you are putting down all your thoughts, its suffocating. You don’t want to meet her, as you’ve made up your mind that you do not want to patch up or let yourself be in that same situation again. You immerse yourself in your work, you withdraw from social circles that might involves her.

And you feel that the world is all against you. Her friends gonna thought that i’m causing her pain. Somehow you felt their reaction to you will be somehow colder. You try to ignore that feeling assuming that its nothing – its just you. But the fact is you are avoiding them, her whole world you used to know.

You hope that with time , you’ll heal, feel better, can go on, but it somehow with time, you get numb – not better. You felt wrong, you can’t go on. You’ve have not have peace with yourself.

You know it well, all these are childish, immature acts, self defeating behaviour.

Father Stephan said : get over it.
Father Andy said : You’ll have to forgive yourself. Forgive her.
All the readings pointed to the word ‘forgive’; forgive us as we forgive those who sinned against us.

What should you do? the answer seems to be clear. But the actions seem to be hard.

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